The same dream. A different ending.

Ive been making efforts to remember at least one dream i had the first thing i wake up. Sometimes i dont remember a shred of it, sometimes a remember bits and pieces only to forget it altogether, but theres also times like today, when i remember i dream so intriguing that it keeps me thinking about it the whole day. Let me see if i can remember enought to write it down...since its been about half a day since i woke up.

I dunno how it began....but i was at this block. A flat. A special one....at the middle of its level is a interconnecting platform with a commercial zone. Stores, malls, shops. I forgot what happened before i reached there, but i was just wandering around the area.

What is weird was that i had revisit this same area in a different perspective before. My entrance was from a different place, and it was with some kids, or friends, or relatives and we were just shopping around the area. This time, i was alone in the area, but not lonely. I was just happily exploring the area myself. The area was closed unlike the last time i visited it in my dream. It was peacefully quiet. I walked my way towards the end of some aisle and down to another level.

That was when a mother and a boy came to my view. They were behind me, when the kid started to run towards me playfully. I dunno why but i also started running away....it was quite exhilerating. I turned right to a corner and went around a wall while the kid got tricked and ran the other direction. I took the opportunity and exited the level via an elevator. Upon reaching some other floor...i found out that the kid was already waiting for me at the entrance...-_-.

Now things get ever more weird...and intriguing too. This new level...ive been there before. It was of a dirt land. Groups of piglike mosters, lotsa hyenas, and a large monkey group. My previous dream experience with that area wasnt nice to say the least. I was hit hard by monkey throwing stuff and chased until i nearly fainted by those pig monsters and those crazy hyenas...i forgot how i ran away from them.

This time, it was different. I chose a different route to avoid the pig monsters first. The hyenas spotted me and the chase began. I ran hard...but this time not with fear...but with tactics in my mind. I was ready to meet their challenge. I ran in large circles such that the difference in their speeds gradually separated the faster ones from slower ones. Thats when i picked them out one by one with my kicks while staring fiercely at them to scare them away. After dealing with the hyenas and approached the pigs and squashed their faces flat after some fight. Phew...it was some dream. But i ended victorious....things have certainly change...i guess im more able to face challenges now...at least in my dreams. haha...

Flighty thoughts

My mind is always wandering, to my world of imagination, of endless possibilities, to endless worries, to future planning, to hopes, dreams, aspirations. Not many people can connect with me on that kind of level. Far and few. I will allow interaction with others only when i settle down my mind back to Earth and start reaching out to others. And should anyone try to shackle me to the ground, i will fly even higher and further than before.

Sad to say, as much as i want a person to accompany me as i glide through my world, no one can reach that level of understanding. Not many people can attune to my wavelength naturally unless i allow myself to attune to theirs. Im a person with no entertaining entertainment. haha....in the eyes of others im just a plain boring guy who has a very aged soul. It is my inner thoughts that bring me life and passion, yet no one has really contact with it. And after some well learnt lessons i probably will be even more cautious towards letting anyone close to my inner world. Self-protection is inherent in everyone, i suppose...just probably more inherent in me.

So now my path is to reach my goals in life...the pursuit of discovery and truth of the world. It has never been this clear before. Now that the fog has dispersed, my path is true, i shall take actions to make my dreams become reality. Perseverance is the only thing i have. But as much as my goals are important to me, a part of me still calls out for someone who can actually let my soul take flight.

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller,
long I stoodAnd looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

Robert Frost

Been thinking...

My life has been pretty monotonous these days. I guess its my job. I do like my job and im glad that my relationship with my colleagues ( 9 out of 10 are gals) is growing well. But these days im just pretty bummed out after work...considering that im working 9 hours 5 days a wekk and at the end of the day i reach home at 10 theres only a few hours of leisure before i end my day and restart the same schedule all over again.

Work has been hectice but manageable, i try to find new challenges everyday, make things interesting in my life. I still enjoy training my observational skills. Silently observing different people- their habits, their personality, their working style, trying to unmask them from their exterior. Im also happy that ive started to pick up my old hobbie of playing chess again....mentally streneous but always exciting to the mind. Ive definitely learnt alot of things in the company, skills that not only can be applied academically, but towards all aspects of my life too. It has not been wasted time.

But i still worry about me and my chosen field: chemistry. Its always about prospects(Chem engrg) vs passion (chemistry). Most people would surely chose chem engrg if given my situation.....and yes this was confirmed by the answers i got from various people. Currently Chemistry is what i really like...or at least now i tink so...what i fear is that what if halfway i decide that actually im not really cut out for it? Is Chemistry my lifelong passion? Will i really go all the way to pursue it? Or is this all a lack of confidence and self-doubt?

This is one of the times i followed my heart and chose Chemistry. My logical self would have chosen Chem engrg without a doubt. But i just had to follow my instinct. I just know that this is the choice for me. Till now my logical self hasnt won over my instinct and passion on Chemistry.

I know that im after the truth of the world, i want to discover how it really works, i dont wanna be in charge of managing reaction processes in plants. I want to explore and be on the forefront of scientific discoveries. I want to pursue my passion of science and set new boundaries for exploration. I want to invent things that will revolutionise the world. I do not want to be just a statistic, i want to make a name for myself. And should i chance upon this post in future, remember Dingli, this is your ultimate life goal. Dare to dream, but dare to step out and reach for it with all the effort u can muster. Never stop trying, for I am going to make my mark someday.

those were the days...??

.....and so i heaved a huge sigh, not of relief, but a desperate attempt to calm myself down. My mind and body was tense, perhaps in a state of alert. I picked up my black bag...it felt much heavier than i had remembered. Slowly i made my way towards the old dilapidated basketball court. My heart was heavy. The sight that dawned upon me wasnt encouraging either.

There it was -- a basketball court filled with hundred odd people like myself. Carrying a black bag, dressed in casual clothes and wearing a look of anxiety and uncertainty. Some were just sitting down, stoned, thinking of what was about to come, maybe pysching themselves up for the challenges ahead; some were trying hard to liven up the atmosphere. making small talk, horsing around, joking, wrestling out their pent up stress. but somehow it would always end with an uneasy silence, a sigh of unwilling acceptance, or perhaps a wail of unfairness.

Me? i silently walked up to a group of friends and listened to what they have to say. Rumours mostly, of what happened during the event for the previous years, of what we were about to encounter, about whether we can pull through this ordeal with our heads held high. There was alot of uncertainty about whether we can survive, but there was definitely no doubt about the sufferings that we had to endure.

Time's up. It was time to gather and march towards doomsday. I wasnt sure whether it was marching or a reluctant dragging of bodies. The sounds of our feet dragging sounded like a desperate plea to release us from our shackles. We sang our song, loud, but neither with zest nor power. It was more like shouting, releasing of pent up stress and apprehension. Our instructors greeted us upon our entry. They waved, smiled, and smirked. I didnt like the looks of it. We didnt like what this was pointing to. And so we sang, or rather, screamed louder.

It felt quite good. That few minutes of shouting out did me well, for awhile at least. We were supposed to take a rest before things got going. No one really had the mood for it. So we sauntered around our block and took peeps at the preparations of the big event. It was big. People were moving around everywhere. Large trolleys of equipment was being ferried to various key locations. It was one of the few times i actually see our instructors working so hard for us. No one was really impressed by their effort, we knew what they were setting up wasnt some paradise hotel, but a hell's den made specially for us.

Finally an order. In a bid to calm our nerves we were introduced to some hollywood war movie. I forgot the title but it didnt matter. It managed to distract me for a few hours, although i zoned out most of the time. Next was the pizza party. Loads of pizza were bought, but we didnt really enjoyed it. It was mostly out of necessity rather than enjoyment that we managed to swallow down the pizza. Instructors were casually chatting up with us, serving us drinks and pizza, enjoying the music and being merry. Occasionally i caught a few sadistic smiles coming our direction. Like a predator sizing up its prey. I didnt like the looks of it. I ate faster. I wolved down everything given to me. A short brief was given and we were back to our rooms, waiting for the moment to come. Some tried to take a nap, some tried their to calm themselves, some juz sit and wait.

The sun went down, together with my courage. Fear and darkness accompanied me. It was night. The most important question in our heads were: When is it gonna start? Can i pull through this? Preparations were done and all everyone was waiting for was time. With our designated team, we shut ourselves in rooms, awaiting the moment of ignition.

It was a long, long wait. I didnt know how much time had past, but it was deep into the night. I tried to sleep, but to no avail, my mind and body were extremely tensed up. It was survival, it was war. I called to my comrates, they too were wide awake. Everyone was. Each and every single sound in our surroundings was responded to. Our senses were heightened, and our minds sharp and ready.

They made a mistake. We had given them too much respect. Despite their experience they could not hide their presence well. Their ambush cover was blown and the message of initiation was spreading within our camps like wildfire. I readied myself with my equipment. There was no more fear. It was purely on survival instinct. Silence. Pindrop silence. Everyone was waiting in anticipation. My blood was raging and my body on fire. My mind was in a hyper intense and focused state. Everyone stood by their doors, awaiting that final signal to engage.

A small unsuspecting can rolled by the corridor. Before we knew it, BOOM!!! Columns of smoke and bright flash erupted everywhere. Machine guns started firing, thunderous explosion was everywhere. We gathered ourselves, and with a war cry rivalling that of the explosions, we charged out of the rooms. The long awaited time has arrived. Hellweek has finally begun....

Footprints

People come, people go. Countless people leave footprints in your lives, but which ones really remain with you ? Which ones really accompany you throughout your darkest and happiest moments in life?

For me, im real grateful that ive got 6 of my best buddies with me that has accompanied me through good and bad times. We have weathered through countless storms and come out each time stronger than before. Never have i felt this much happiness around them. They are truly part and parcel of my life. And i would do my best to cherish this friendship between us as long as i live. I do hope the rest of my brothers feel the same way too.

At the end of the day, will your memories fill your heart with loneliness? Or with warmth and happiness? I think its up to the person himself to decide, its up to him to hold on to what really matters.

Fear..

Fear. Its something i think each and everyone lives with throughout their lives. It grips your mind, heart and soul. Im sure everyone have their own fears about certain things. Fear of death, fear of loneliness, fear of heights...to name a few. But how many people really have the courage to overcome their fear and break their boundaries?

Of course, its always easier to live within the comforts of your own fear. If you fear heights, well avoid heights then! That way you have minimum encounters with your fears and wont feel hysterical compared to charging straight at overcoming it. I, too, have been a victim of my countless fears. But the thing is, what if your fears are something you deal with day in day out? Something u face everyday and have no control over? For me i have my social fears....its there staring at my face every single day. I really have no choice but to face it head on.

So i sorta devised this psycological response to my fears. When i worry about how people will respond to my conversation, i just ask myself: What would you do if u do not fear this? And most of the time before i know it, what i was thinking of saying would just pop outta my mouth and a conversation would begin.

Its not always as bad as i thought. Fear is always in the mind. Well sometimes things really go wrong, but not all the time. I suppose you just have to move on. So here i am, in a phase of my life where i transit into adulthood. I hope i can overcome as my fears before i really make it out there. Because the real winners in life are those that really make an effort, not to avoid, but to conquer their fears.

Wow....great new stuff

Wow i must say blogspot is now extremely user-friendly. No more fussing over URL settings, computer language and technicalities. Its just pick and choose my settings and pop they appear on my blog. Love it!

Me and my chess game

My memories are quite hazy when i recall how i first got into contact with international chess.

In steps a teacher:"Anyone interested to join the Chess Club?"

Jasper( the little midget boy with a sassy voice and my good friend in p3): " Hey dingli, you wanna join the Chess with me? I think its fun."

Me(giving my blur face):"huh?. orh, ok lor" (i dun really have any idea what im in for, juz accompanying a friend)

Little did i noe that ill be having a hell lot of fun in Chess.

International Chess has been my hobby and passion since that very day. It has very much shaped who i am today.

Be it good or bad, Chess has made me think alot about my future moves before i take it. When it comes to a move i have to make, i tend to consider the endless possiblities before i make the next move. This mindset pretty much carries into my life and sometimes i take so much time considering my next five moves that i end up missing the crutial first step. haha...

To me, life is just like a game of chess. You make decisions in life every single minute. And you have no idea whether its really a great move until your opponent responds to it. But whats most important about life is that you have to enjoy every single moment of it. Just like chess, u have to enjoy the whole match, be it the ups and downs. Only then can u, at the end of the chess game of life, stand up gracefully, shake your opponent's hand and say"great game", then walk away the true winner.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. - Mark Twain