Its been a long, long time...many years have past yet somehow the dust have not settled. Images of the past flashed into my mind as though it happened yesterday...the emotions, the frame of mind, the scenes witnessed, burnt eternally into memory and tortured my soul till this very day....
My heart ached so badly. Tears flow uncontrollably. I screamed.
I woke up. My eyes still wet, my heart still acheing.
Was it a dream? Was it reality? Am i really awake?
It has been some time since it happened. No one truly knew what happened. I kept everything to myself, i suffered everything within.
I went to find her for answers.
"Hi , how are you? How have you been?"
She smiled.
"Im doing fine, i guess. Ha...very busy as always..."
She smiled.
"I wished you can see how i have grown and matured into a man i am today."
She smiled.
Her eyes always looked so peaceful, so loving, so kind....
I touched her cheeks, and gently wiped her face
"....its been so long....i missed you, i really do....it wasnt easy living by, but ive stayed true to myself, my dreams, my principles to become who i am today."
My heart wrenched. My tears rolled.
"How i wished, to have you witness how ive grown, how ive matured, how ive lived my life, and tell me how proud you are of me, how happy you are for me....."
She smiled. So gentle, so beautiful...
We sat together for the rest of the day, recalling the wonderful memories we've had together....No words were exchanged as we reveled in the silence of each other's company.
I slept comfortably in her arms....I dreamed...
I woke up.
Was it a dream? Was it reality? Am i really awake?
She was still there. And she was still smiling.
"I love you..i really missed you.."
I smiled.
thank you...thank you for everything that you have done for me...you will always remain in my heart. Forever and ever.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Friday, November 07, 2008
Whats happening to me?
Something is happening within me. I have no idea why and i really want to find out, yet i have simply no time n energy to do some intense introspection. Sighz. All i feel is im tired, inside-out. I do not have the same zest and drive as i had in the past. I couldnt take up as many things as i though i could....what is happening to me????
And when my internal system sounds its alarms....all my energy will be diverted inside...resulting in me being highly anti-social nowadays...i hope my friends wont distant from me too much after ive resolved this problem.
Maybe...i just feel burnt out. Ever since i got outta NDU, ive not stopped working, for one thing or another. i still remember i acty reported to my new job the next day i ORD...then SCAMP, then RAG, then a year of directorship....then so many commitments.
Now ive learnt my lesson. ALWAYS gauge myself properly, dont bite off more than i can chew. Focus my energy on important things then consider other aspects of life.
I guess im just burnt out.
I guess i just need more time to rediscover and refine my life goals.
I guess i just need more sleep.
I need a holiday.
And when my internal system sounds its alarms....all my energy will be diverted inside...resulting in me being highly anti-social nowadays...i hope my friends wont distant from me too much after ive resolved this problem.
Maybe...i just feel burnt out. Ever since i got outta NDU, ive not stopped working, for one thing or another. i still remember i acty reported to my new job the next day i ORD...then SCAMP, then RAG, then a year of directorship....then so many commitments.
Now ive learnt my lesson. ALWAYS gauge myself properly, dont bite off more than i can chew. Focus my energy on important things then consider other aspects of life.
I guess im just burnt out.
I guess i just need more time to rediscover and refine my life goals.
I guess i just need more sleep.
I need a holiday.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Someone tell me my limits!
Gosh...something i have to learn - when to know my limits and when to step out and take on challenges.
I am striving with whatever time and energy i have left to mug, mug and mug...but it still doesnt seem enough. I still have so much more that i need to know... the pursue of knowledge is indeed neverending. I seem to have over-committed myself again...with so many commitments at hand...i seriously need to control how much time and energy im spending on various stuff so that i can focus more on doing selected things properly instead of speading myself out too thin and reachin no where in the end.
Thats the thing about me, i love to challenge myself and stretch myself to the limits, at my own expense. And its usually my grades that take the first hit, then my energy, then my health....Im burning myself at both ends and im not reaching any concrete grounds.
Its time to manage my time properly and maintain my focus back to where it should be - studies. life. dreams.
Lets do it.
I am striving with whatever time and energy i have left to mug, mug and mug...but it still doesnt seem enough. I still have so much more that i need to know... the pursue of knowledge is indeed neverending. I seem to have over-committed myself again...with so many commitments at hand...i seriously need to control how much time and energy im spending on various stuff so that i can focus more on doing selected things properly instead of speading myself out too thin and reachin no where in the end.
Thats the thing about me, i love to challenge myself and stretch myself to the limits, at my own expense. And its usually my grades that take the first hit, then my energy, then my health....Im burning myself at both ends and im not reaching any concrete grounds.
Its time to manage my time properly and maintain my focus back to where it should be - studies. life. dreams.
Lets do it.
Monday, October 20, 2008
The beauty of sign language
Been too busy again these days :S. so much for not joining SCMC so i can have more time to study. My current commitments ive taken up saps about the same amount of time compared to when i took up the directorial role (i think. at least for now.) Well, although im very busy, i made a point to blog down this when i get the time to.
So it was on another busy saturday when i sat on the mrt. Thats when i saw a group of people communicating actively, their faces and body language tells that they were very much enjoying their conversation. No one else could understand them, no one else could hear them.
I observed curiously at their form of communication. Each had to pay attention to what the other was communicating about. They had to give their full attention and "listen". There was no sound amonst them but i feel it was a great conversation. So much more was communicated across.
How many times have we taken human relationships and communication for granted? Do we really pay attention to communicating with people? Are our minds and ears really actively open to what others are saying?
Indeed, i have learnt alot just through that small incident. Thats why i decided to write this down, and remind myself - Always listen intentively to what others are saying. Give them attention and respect.....and you will get them in return.
So it was on another busy saturday when i sat on the mrt. Thats when i saw a group of people communicating actively, their faces and body language tells that they were very much enjoying their conversation. No one else could understand them, no one else could hear them.
I observed curiously at their form of communication. Each had to pay attention to what the other was communicating about. They had to give their full attention and "listen". There was no sound amonst them but i feel it was a great conversation. So much more was communicated across.
How many times have we taken human relationships and communication for granted? Do we really pay attention to communicating with people? Are our minds and ears really actively open to what others are saying?
Indeed, i have learnt alot just through that small incident. Thats why i decided to write this down, and remind myself - Always listen intentively to what others are saying. Give them attention and respect.....and you will get them in return.
Saturday, October 04, 2008
Im back!!!
Hello! wow its been so long since i blogged...so long that i temporily forgot my password to access to this blog account :S. I am really getting more absent-minded.
Phew..its been a hectic year 1 in NUS. Crazy days, but i enjoyed every step of it. To all those who have entered my life, i thank them for making my days in NUS such a special one. One year has gone by...i have indeed learnt alot. Be it life, human relationship, leadership, time management, studies...and so much more. Such stuff i can never learn if i were to take the path as a pure mugger (which i had contemplated upon) but i guess i felt a different calling. As much as results are important to my future, i also want to make my life an exciting and enriching one. So here i am now, in the next phase of my year 2 life.
How will it be shaped? What paths will i take along the realities of life? I can never be too sure, but one thing remains clear - I shall never give up.
Phew..its been a hectic year 1 in NUS. Crazy days, but i enjoyed every step of it. To all those who have entered my life, i thank them for making my days in NUS such a special one. One year has gone by...i have indeed learnt alot. Be it life, human relationship, leadership, time management, studies...and so much more. Such stuff i can never learn if i were to take the path as a pure mugger (which i had contemplated upon) but i guess i felt a different calling. As much as results are important to my future, i also want to make my life an exciting and enriching one. So here i am now, in the next phase of my year 2 life.
How will it be shaped? What paths will i take along the realities of life? I can never be too sure, but one thing remains clear - I shall never give up.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Happiness...?
A few days ago, i chanced upon an interview on tv at CNA. It was an interview with some guy who has done research on "Happiness" and is going to give a talk about it. It was only a brief ten minute talk, but what ive gotten back was words of wisdom that will probably last a lifetime.
So, what is really is happiness? The problem with so many people is that they place the wrong perspective and measure on their happiness. How many times have u heard someone say "ill be happy if i can have...." many times followed by superficials like money, or power, or a car etc...
Actually, happiness is always within our reach, just that we are blinded by so many thing around us in life that we failed to notice what really matters. Sit down, think, recall, feel....what really, truly makes u happy? When you've got one thing, keep questioning and imagining that if u really have it, will it truly make u happy deep down?
After much thought, i realised...ive always been bogged down by grades, responsibilities, schoolwork, pressures from almost everywhere...and somehow lost sight of what matters the most, my own true happiness. Ive been busy adjusting to everyone's needs, answering to everyone else's problems that i have neglected myself.
What truly makes me happy inside...is spending quality time with someone i love,my brothers, my friends and my family. Those are the times i feel free...and just be myself. I love to have some quiet time by myself, taking walks...admiring the beauty of nature...and pursuing wisdom and knowledge. Chemistry's still my passion and i always derive fun learning it, you hardly hear me complaining about chemistry :)
With all those in mind, i shall not let other things in life get to me and bogged me down. Life is out there waiting for me to live upon. I will step out, live life, and be happy.
Happiness is a choice. Half empty or half-full, its really up to u to decide, aint it?
May whoever's reading it have some food for thought and find what truly makes u happy.
And to Dingli of the future, may you have found your happiness and stay true to it.
So, what is really is happiness? The problem with so many people is that they place the wrong perspective and measure on their happiness. How many times have u heard someone say "ill be happy if i can have...." many times followed by superficials like money, or power, or a car etc...
Actually, happiness is always within our reach, just that we are blinded by so many thing around us in life that we failed to notice what really matters. Sit down, think, recall, feel....what really, truly makes u happy? When you've got one thing, keep questioning and imagining that if u really have it, will it truly make u happy deep down?
After much thought, i realised...ive always been bogged down by grades, responsibilities, schoolwork, pressures from almost everywhere...and somehow lost sight of what matters the most, my own true happiness. Ive been busy adjusting to everyone's needs, answering to everyone else's problems that i have neglected myself.
What truly makes me happy inside...is spending quality time with someone i love,my brothers, my friends and my family. Those are the times i feel free...and just be myself. I love to have some quiet time by myself, taking walks...admiring the beauty of nature...and pursuing wisdom and knowledge. Chemistry's still my passion and i always derive fun learning it, you hardly hear me complaining about chemistry :)
With all those in mind, i shall not let other things in life get to me and bogged me down. Life is out there waiting for me to live upon. I will step out, live life, and be happy.
Happiness is a choice. Half empty or half-full, its really up to u to decide, aint it?
May whoever's reading it have some food for thought and find what truly makes u happy.
And to Dingli of the future, may you have found your happiness and stay true to it.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
HI ALL :)
Hello, its beeen a looooong time since ive lastg sat down to blog. Sometimes i feel like writing something down, but after typing halfway i juz lost the mood (cuz suddenly some work or something needs my attention) and cant blog anymore. So lets just hope this post gets posted up eventually, or i have simply just wasted my time.
So, how have i been doing?
Pretty great i must say. If i were to look back 5 years from now, i would say this period is one of the times ive stepped out and really stretched my potential (although i would start to think this is also the period my grades start to falter).
Still, ive always promised myself to live life with no regrets, and so here i am. Yes my grades are definitely far from what ive envisioned it to be. But for the things ive wanted to do, the things ive wanted to try, im starting to step out. Ive taken leadership and responsibilities ive never thought i was able to handle. There are still sooo many things i want to do....so i shall never give up on my dreams and hopes. And as long as i live, i will strive harder to improve myself and that fire within me shall never be doused. ...Its only when you've lived through darkness will cherish every ray of light.....
So now...i must realy work towards my aims and goals...so here now...to whoever's still seeing this...my updates for my life. :)
Friends
It has always been great to have a buncha friends there to support u. :) im really happy that the brotherhood still stands strong after so many years. Despite our extremely busy schedule, all of us always finds that special time to spend together. It can be just a simple meal, over a coffee table, or some buffet dinner. Whatever it is, times spent with every single brother has always been heartwarming and memorable. I am who i am now because of them. But not to forget, ive made some great friends in NUS!!! they are the most fun bunch to be with and definitely the friendship with them will go on for many many years....so cheers!!! here's to all my friends and brothers!
Inner Self
Its been EXTREMELY hectic. I hardly have time to breathe. After one deadline is another and i am chasing the schedule almost everytime!!! Definitely not easy to be in SPS and ScienceClub at the same time! but well im always up for a challenge!!! wahahah. To lead the best rag team, and to strive in academics is definitely what ive been striving to do. Its tough, sometimes stretching myself very thin and feeling like im reaching nowhere for both sides...but im still optimistic that i can do it!!! Tired as it may be, my life is surely fulfilling and filled with many challenges. BRING IT ON!!
RAG
Challenges lie ahead...definitely not something to fool around with. I will be focusing all my energies on this and bringing my team to greater heights. I am very proud of my team and the talents ive been working with...we will surely have a great fun time together and bring Science Rag to ever greater heights! YARRRR!!!
Acadamics
Man...its not been easy handling so many things, but im still enjoying Chemistry. Never had a tinge of regret for choosing Chem. My passion for it still burns...just sometimes i feel ive done injustice to it by not having more time to read up and study for it. For my future, for my passion and dreams, ive gotta do this and do this good.
My partner
Last but not least...the most important woman in my life. haha...yes we r still not officially together, but i am simply enjoying the special moments spent with her. I am truly thankful to have her by my side and we shall spend more time to know each other better. Thank you, for your support and understanding. I will strive even harder, for a better future for both of us :D.
So, how have i been doing?
Pretty great i must say. If i were to look back 5 years from now, i would say this period is one of the times ive stepped out and really stretched my potential (although i would start to think this is also the period my grades start to falter).
Still, ive always promised myself to live life with no regrets, and so here i am. Yes my grades are definitely far from what ive envisioned it to be. But for the things ive wanted to do, the things ive wanted to try, im starting to step out. Ive taken leadership and responsibilities ive never thought i was able to handle. There are still sooo many things i want to do....so i shall never give up on my dreams and hopes. And as long as i live, i will strive harder to improve myself and that fire within me shall never be doused. ...Its only when you've lived through darkness will cherish every ray of light.....
So now...i must realy work towards my aims and goals...so here now...to whoever's still seeing this...my updates for my life. :)
Friends
It has always been great to have a buncha friends there to support u. :) im really happy that the brotherhood still stands strong after so many years. Despite our extremely busy schedule, all of us always finds that special time to spend together. It can be just a simple meal, over a coffee table, or some buffet dinner. Whatever it is, times spent with every single brother has always been heartwarming and memorable. I am who i am now because of them. But not to forget, ive made some great friends in NUS!!! they are the most fun bunch to be with and definitely the friendship with them will go on for many many years....so cheers!!! here's to all my friends and brothers!
Inner Self
Its been EXTREMELY hectic. I hardly have time to breathe. After one deadline is another and i am chasing the schedule almost everytime!!! Definitely not easy to be in SPS and ScienceClub at the same time! but well im always up for a challenge!!! wahahah. To lead the best rag team, and to strive in academics is definitely what ive been striving to do. Its tough, sometimes stretching myself very thin and feeling like im reaching nowhere for both sides...but im still optimistic that i can do it!!! Tired as it may be, my life is surely fulfilling and filled with many challenges. BRING IT ON!!
RAG
Challenges lie ahead...definitely not something to fool around with. I will be focusing all my energies on this and bringing my team to greater heights. I am very proud of my team and the talents ive been working with...we will surely have a great fun time together and bring Science Rag to ever greater heights! YARRRR!!!
Acadamics
Man...its not been easy handling so many things, but im still enjoying Chemistry. Never had a tinge of regret for choosing Chem. My passion for it still burns...just sometimes i feel ive done injustice to it by not having more time to read up and study for it. For my future, for my passion and dreams, ive gotta do this and do this good.
My partner
Last but not least...the most important woman in my life. haha...yes we r still not officially together, but i am simply enjoying the special moments spent with her. I am truly thankful to have her by my side and we shall spend more time to know each other better. Thank you, for your support and understanding. I will strive even harder, for a better future for both of us :D.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Randomness
Its midterm "break"...ive finally given myself this short time to blog, think about things, and wonder about my life. Theres been alot alot running thru my mind all the time. and i dont really know what to blog exactly cuz theres too much to say.....
Hmm....its been a period of growth and development during the past months. theres always plenty to learn in life, and ive certainly grown stronger as a person. Heres a few perspective ive lived by for a majority of my life and sticks ever strongly till now:
Do not impose on others what you dont want imposed on you.
Live life to the fullest.
Never give up. Believe. Have faith in yourself and fight for your dreams.
...still got more...but...ahh...lost the mood to blog! LOL. the busy mode is coming back...nooooo....
Hmm....its been a period of growth and development during the past months. theres always plenty to learn in life, and ive certainly grown stronger as a person. Heres a few perspective ive lived by for a majority of my life and sticks ever strongly till now:
Do not impose on others what you dont want imposed on you.
Live life to the fullest.
Never give up. Believe. Have faith in yourself and fight for your dreams.
...still got more...but...ahh...lost the mood to blog! LOL. the busy mode is coming back...nooooo....