Phew...this is actually one of the few rare days where somehow i have the luxury of half a day at home juz doing what i want to do: chilling at home, lazing around watching tv, night surfing internet with Class 95/933 blasting in my house via that excellent stereo system(yep home alone again!). Theres still some SCAMP stuff to be settled...some admin stuff...but im sure those can be easily done. I haven had the time to focus on my chem for a long long time...juz feels weird to not have chem in my brain for so long....must read up on it later!
Anyway....these days 24hrs a day is simply not enough!!! i still do not have time to commit to everything! i have friends, work, family, colleagues, and few privileged special ones to attend to...theres juz not enough time!!! nowadays im juz rushing everywhere...i simply do not have time to just sit down and find time for myself!!!! oh my....phew...but it does feel great somewhat to have such a busy and occupied life! the only thing ive got to find is that perfect balance to find time for myself...hmm...
Amidst all that busy life, my goal is still clear: i will give my very best effort in chem!!! i will definitely make it!!! heh...juz bring it on!!!
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Uncovering the depths
Its been quite a hectic life for the past few months. Mainly with work and friends. Weekdays im busy with work, weekends are always fully book from day till night. Nowadays i hardly have time to juz sit down, chill out, and uncover myself.
That makes any personal time all the more precious than ever.
Having dug deeper into myself these few weeks, ive finally reached the soft spot of my core - my heart. Who really knew that underneath that cold exterior of mine is a hot-hearted guy? Not many i suppose...
ive told myself that in order to really make it in my life, ive got to unleash that inner self thats been trapped within all these years. Easy to say...but its so hard to achieve, and its definitely one of the few self-improvement projects ive been working on myself these days.
Its not as easy as it seems. ....maybe ill go into all the subconscious relationships and stuff when im in the mood. but to sum it up, its to do with acknowledgement and validation. I know i need it, but one of the main barriers i need to overcome before i push my true self into the world out there is myself.
Deep within me, ive always been looking for validation and acknowledgement from others. I respond to everyone's demands at the expense of my own needs. I try to make everyone happy even if i have to be the one to suffer in the end. I withhold my opinions and actions; i hide behind that cold exterior because i do not want any conflict. Ultimately i want people not to hate me, even if it would mean most wldnt even know the real me at all. I would rather choose anonymity than animosity.
But sometimes, relationships is about showing your true self. Some might not like you, but ultimately you will have the chance to find really close friends that will stand by you throughout your life.
So now ive finally found my true self after all these years. Im still fine tuning myself, and adjusting how i should present myself to people. Slowly but surely, im breaking outta my barrier. But after all these years....one of the important lessons ive learnt is that ive been wrong in trying to seek validation of my existance from others.
Sometimes, its the acknowledgement of yourself by yourself that really matters. I am who i am. The person ive actually looked upon becoming for the past few years is actually residing inside me all this while. The person ive dream to become is actually my true self. So now, im starting to learn to accept myself for who i am, and not feel dejected over who i am not. Yes ive got my shortcomings too, but i noe i am a very special person. No one can ever be me, neither can i be anyone else except myself.
This would be my current progress. A crucial step towards my inner development. After ive ingrained my self acceptance....then i can move on to the next stage.....my emotional self....one of the toughest places in my heart that ive always fear tackling.....
That makes any personal time all the more precious than ever.
Having dug deeper into myself these few weeks, ive finally reached the soft spot of my core - my heart. Who really knew that underneath that cold exterior of mine is a hot-hearted guy? Not many i suppose...
ive told myself that in order to really make it in my life, ive got to unleash that inner self thats been trapped within all these years. Easy to say...but its so hard to achieve, and its definitely one of the few self-improvement projects ive been working on myself these days.
Its not as easy as it seems. ....maybe ill go into all the subconscious relationships and stuff when im in the mood. but to sum it up, its to do with acknowledgement and validation. I know i need it, but one of the main barriers i need to overcome before i push my true self into the world out there is myself.
Deep within me, ive always been looking for validation and acknowledgement from others. I respond to everyone's demands at the expense of my own needs. I try to make everyone happy even if i have to be the one to suffer in the end. I withhold my opinions and actions; i hide behind that cold exterior because i do not want any conflict. Ultimately i want people not to hate me, even if it would mean most wldnt even know the real me at all. I would rather choose anonymity than animosity.
But sometimes, relationships is about showing your true self. Some might not like you, but ultimately you will have the chance to find really close friends that will stand by you throughout your life.
So now ive finally found my true self after all these years. Im still fine tuning myself, and adjusting how i should present myself to people. Slowly but surely, im breaking outta my barrier. But after all these years....one of the important lessons ive learnt is that ive been wrong in trying to seek validation of my existance from others.
Sometimes, its the acknowledgement of yourself by yourself that really matters. I am who i am. The person ive actually looked upon becoming for the past few years is actually residing inside me all this while. The person ive dream to become is actually my true self. So now, im starting to learn to accept myself for who i am, and not feel dejected over who i am not. Yes ive got my shortcomings too, but i noe i am a very special person. No one can ever be me, neither can i be anyone else except myself.
This would be my current progress. A crucial step towards my inner development. After ive ingrained my self acceptance....then i can move on to the next stage.....my emotional self....one of the toughest places in my heart that ive always fear tackling.....