zombie

undead. im pretty much like it nowadays. NS i juz blindly follow the shit they throw to me....during weekends its plain eat-sleep-games. exciting.

aimless wandering.

life of decadance.

i'd better start doing something meaningful before my brain really dies off.

Soulless

Distraction of the mind helps to block away my sorrows....yet the bring up other problems.
I lack focus and concentration to complete my NS job efficiently.

My 2.4 run was one of the worst ever. It made me feel even lousier than before...piled with all the depression i have now...it just makes me fall deeper into the sadness.

i dont even know how to describe my inner world anymore. its bascially a big mess.

im tired. im really tired.

i have long forgotten the time when my whole being would smile from within. a true genuine smile from the heart. i have lost it. i have lost my soul.

alternate communications

my mind is well distracted. but my body is telling me otherwise. i have been losing much appetite and sleep. when i wake up...my eyes feel sore...that feeling of soreness when theres too much crying. i guess maybe i cried in my sleep??? i dunno.

when i play games...my mind goes away on painful thoughs...yet some part of me is telling me my heart troubling. Everytime my mind wander...this overwhelming sadness will come over me.
.........

weak. pathetic.

Wall of emotions

ive never been able to freely express my emotions. be it through behaviour or speech. whenever i encounter emotions of depression n sadness, the most effective way i deal with it is to chuck it one side n wall it up as long as i can.

its what im doing now. its what ive been doing my whole life.

when my mum left me alone here. i played games.

when part of my soul left me. i played games.

when i have problems to face. i play games.

so now...im off to play games. before that sadness comes gnawing into me again......

pathetic.

crybaby.

My heart is torn into pieces. Never have i felt this kind of extreme sadness. that kind of chest contractions...the excruciating waves of pain and sorrow. the endless stream of tears. not since the death of my mother have i experience such intense emotion. i...am still not stable to even write about all that im feeling now.

haha. crybaby. all you know is cry...cry...cry...

what can i do??? can anyone tell me???

a part of my soul is gone.

jay chou's songs juz make all my trapped emotions flow out...and its horrible to experience all that sorrow at once...

this is..the most painful experience ive ever gone through. Now i know.

As good as dead.

My soul. my heart. gone. dead.

pain...very very pain. really words cannot describe.

tears juz keep flowing. pain juz keep coming.

let them come....let them come.... im tired.

Return

HI. im back. i wonder if anyone still come to this deserted blog. hope no one does. so here i can begin my journey....to where??? i dont know...