Life And Death

What are we borned in this world for? What exactly is the true purpose of our lives? Have you ever asked yourself similar questions before? Well, i have, every single day of my life ever since the death of my mum, everytime when my mind wanders away,everytime i am depressed and sad. And everytime i find myself sinking to the depths of depression and self-doubt whenever i indulge in this burning question.

My life is a mess, i realised...because all these nineteen years of my life i have been wasting it all...never really realising the true meaning of my life and never living my life with passion and purpose.Living in a mess...living in the past...living in the realms of reality and imagination. A life with only depression, death and decadence...one with no purpose and enthusiasm.

Have you ever come across a stage in your life when you always asked yourself : Life and Death, which should i choose? If i choose life, i will live it with utmost passion and zest.If i choose death it will be the end of everything; my troubles, my friends, my families, my loved. Well i think sometimes death is quite a liberating notion...haha.

So every normal human being...if asked the question of life and death...will most certainly choose the answer 'Life' immediatly. But do they really choose life and live it with zest and passion?? Or do they choose life because they are too afraid of death??? We bother ourselves with selfish troubles, we indulge in them, we allow ourselves to sink into the very depths of depression.It all boils down to a single choice...do i choose life and live it happily or do i choose death and end it all?? Probably the "life and death" question never ever occurred to people before...because they have not experienced traumas and life changing events to actually indulge in the notion of death itself.

So if the question is not asked within themselves.. what do a human being do? They live in the region between life and death....to just survive. Most human beings, including myself, just live to survive...because we have neither chosen life or death and actually living in that decision.We deceive ourselves and say we choose life and live it....but do we really? Do we really live life to the fullest? Me, the loser in my life, the escapist of all my troubles, is wasting my life away by indulging in my troubles and my pathetic past. Or simply running away from the reality of being my sorry self through games and other distractions.

So having said all about that burning question...what is my answer to it?

I choose death...yet i am too cowardly to face the decision of death because of my friends, my family, my love. How i wished i could be extremely selfish and end it all and never face my troubles again. I am too much a loser to tackle my problems in life.I am a failure in life for all these painful years. So now im just plainly surviving... my mind and soul is rotting day by day...every second every minute is a living hel and torture chamber deep within.Everything in my life weighs down on my weary soul...i wish i could just end it all...but i just dont dare to. Maybe i still have that little courage to live on and face all my troubles...or maybe im just too afraid of death.

So now my life is one of death and decadence.A cowardly, rotting soul living in absolute mess and pandemonium within himself. A minute insignificant being indulging in his own sadness and depression..and his only pathetic joy is that of dreaming a passionate and happy life, a life lived to the fullest, a liberating life devoid of his own dreadful shackles. My soul cries every single day, my mind gives up living every single second.I do not believe in gods.Yet everyday in the back of my mind...is a little boy crying for help. A boy shackled deep in the dungeons of depression, a boy who has withstood relentless assault on his mind and soul. He cries for help...but who..who actually has the ability to help him get out of his own dungeon????

No one can help him.Because everyone is still pending on the decision on life and death.They only survive.No one can understand his soul.No one can pull him out of his own quicksand...and he is dying inside his own world...slowly and painfully. Can anyone ever help this little boy? Please...anyone???