I Lost.

We are all crazy people at times. Sometimes we lose ourselves amidst in our desires. Sometimes we lose ourselves in a moment of strong emotions. Sometimes we lose ourselves when things are not going our way. Me?I lose myself all the time. I lose myself in the times of the past. I lose myself in my own depression.

Why do i allow myself to sink into this bottomless pit? Why...? Its not as if im out of love...in fact im very much in love. But when im alone in my deep dungeon heart...it just happens. Probably because im afraid...but i just dont know what im afraid of...maybe theres too many things i fear that i cant even pinpoint it...or maybe im just a coward who's afraid of everything that might happen in future. Maybe...im just afraid of myself...Him...my darkness self.

Why is it that i like to be depressed with things? Because i lack the courage to venture into the unknown. I fear uncertainty. We all humans do. We love comfort zones that we have grown so familiar in. We do everything to distant ourselves from vulnerabilities. Some face it head on, some run away. Getting depressed requires the least effort compared to striving for happiness. Pathetically, it can be said that getting depressed is within my own expectations such that im comfortable with it in a way.

Yes.I lost the fight.I lost the will to fight my problems. I lost the faith in myself. I lost the hope i once had.I lost my confidence i thought i had.I lost....i lost...

Can anyone really understand how i feel? No...because everyone is concerned with their own troubles...they already have too much to bear for themselves.Everyone is selfish...and that includes myself. Can anyone relate to me? Or are you just viewing some lunatic spewing nonsense about his pathetic life? Do not feel sorry for me if you do not actually know what ive been through and lived through. Im just a crazy person spewing out nonsense about my own lousy life.